she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
