how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
