New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
