you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
