I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
