i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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