Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
