I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
