i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
