Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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