pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
