So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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