Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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