Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
