it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
