The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
