why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
