Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
