She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
