I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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