I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
