It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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