we're chasing vodka with high fives
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
