I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
