Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
