Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
