I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
