I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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