How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
