you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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