New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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