ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
