I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
