You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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