I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
