This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
