I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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