it hurts more in the daytime
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
