Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
