I am puke
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
