Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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