What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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