Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
