ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
