Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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