I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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