I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
