my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dick very happy bro
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
