I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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