Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
