considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
