glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
