I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
